You work out of a Hotel?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
