Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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