i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
im on a boat
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