In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He passed out mid-signature
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize