I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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