I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just found puke in my bra..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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