My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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