I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
