So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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