so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
