Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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