I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
