I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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