Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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