You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
