I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
