my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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