it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
