last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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