You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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