you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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