i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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