So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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