Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
