If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
