The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
