i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
