was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
