I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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