i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
