and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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