talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
