As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
