bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
