I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
