Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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