wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
