On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
