got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
