James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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