so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
the raccoons are back...
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