I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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