giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
