I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
