Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
