you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
