and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
