Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
