remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
