i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
