I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
