yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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