Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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