I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
