Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
