Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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