I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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