The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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