I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
