If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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