I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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