The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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