The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
