I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
