In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?