You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole