I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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