Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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