it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize